Money, Money, Money

Why is it that when we have money difficulties everything else seems worse?  I hate money.  Well not really hate money, but rather hate the way money makes me feel.

I've never seemed to have a firm grasp on how to manage my money.  I spend it when I have it.  Worry about it when I don't.  I pay my bills...usually on time.  But I never seem to have anything put aside for that proverbially rainy day.  I always seem to scrimp and scrimp just to have my needs met, never much, if any, left over...that fabled discretionary income.  It takes only one disaster to wipe me out financially because that six month cushion they talk about having never gets put aside.

I always thought that my education would put me in a position to make enough money to build a nest egg, buy a house, create a financial safety net.  Well, my nest is empty, I'm still renting, and my net is full of holes!  I have a master's degree and I still live from pay check to pay check.  And it looks as if I'll be doing that for another eight or more years.

AARP sends me magazines full of suggestions for my retirement.   Ha!  What retirement?  I'm sixty-two.  I won't be able to afford retirement until I'm at least seventy if I want to continue to live in LA.  Leisure time, travel, retirement activities will wind up being clipping coupons, learning to ride public transportation and I don't know what else, but it better be cheap.

Okay, I know I'm whining.  But didn't I say that money issues make everything seem worse.  I'm strapped right now.  No, I'm not destitute.  Yes, I can pay my bill this month.  Yeah, I have a job.  I have some money, but I'm living close to the bone.  Yes, I'm surviving, but I still hate money, especially the way not having it makes me feel.