On Growing Old

Lately, I've been feeling very old.  Now my good friend Lorrie would say I've said that for more than fifteen year, ever since we met.  But it used to be that I said I was old to get people say, "Oh, no!  You're young."  Now I really feel old.

Part of that is because I recently applied for two jobs that I would have been perfect for and I didn't even get an interview.  That has never happened to me before.  I always got an interview when I applied for jobs in my younger years.  This time, I think my age had something to do with it.  I know, age is not supposed to be a factor in job applications, but people can look at your birthday and subtract.  And I'm sure they would think that I wouldn't be around for the long haul because I am approaching retirement age.

The other part of my feeling old is that as I look at my life I realize that there are more years behind me than ahead of me.  Even though the women in my family live long lives, I've been around for almost sixty-two years and I can really look forward to only about thirty more, if I live as long as my mother and grandmother.  There were so many things I wanted to do and now there is less time to do them in.

Now thirty years is nothing to sneeze at.  Thirty years is a long time.  But we live in a society that reveres youth.  It will be harder to accomplish the things I had hoped to do because it will be harder to be taken seriously.  Add in the fact that age takes it toll on our bodies and stamina and doing some of the things I want to do may not be possible.

I don't regret getting older.  In fact, I am more content at this age than I ever was in my youth.  I just wish  I had pursued my goals earlier.  I guess reviewing your life can bring a melancholy...the regret of the road not traveled.  I don't regret my life.  I'd just like to have left a little bigger footprint in the sand.